In one of the more surprising and delightful announcements made in recent celluloid history (certainly since Gary Marshall announced a third Princess Diaries film half an hour ago) War Horse director Steven Spielberg and Age of Adaline star Harrison Ford have revealed that a second Mutt Williams film is going into pre-production, to be released 19 July 2019.
The original film, misguidedly titled Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was poorly received by most people over the age of 18 years-old, but its breakout star Shia Labeouf, with his portrayal of the rebellious greaser Mutt, captured the imagination of an entire generation.
Don’t remember? Just look over at your mantlepiece and check out that 6″ Mutt Williams action figure you’ve cherished for the last seven years. You haven’t even taken it out of the packaging! Jesus, move it away from the fireplace you madman, that’s worth a thousand pounds! Also, have you been in your attic lately? You own at least 10 five-and-a-half foot tall cardboard standees of Mutt Williams, and one of Ray Winstone which you tore in half during a moment of anger. I’m surprised you forgot.
And remember when you spent the whole of 2008 and most of 2009 wearing a leather jacket, riding a motorbike and acting like a fucking prick? That was what we called your ‘Mutt’ phase. We thought you’d never grow out of it!
Well it’s time to reignite that obsession once more, as Mutt Williams will ride again in 2019! Better stock up on flick-combs and hair-gel early,
UPDATE: I’m so sorry, I feel like a real prick about this. As soon as we’d hit publish on the news, Shia Labeouf made a devastating announcement… it seems that Shia is in fact making his own unofficial sequel to Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull, which he will call ‘Shia Labeouf Presents: Mutt Williams 11 Years On’. This has absolutely no affiliation with Disney, Steven Spielberg or George Lucas, and instead of picking up on the adventures of the plucky scoundrel directly after the events of Crystal Skull, it will show Mutt’s slide into ketamine addiction and feature long scenes of Mutt giving out handjobs in porno theatres just to keep out of the rain. It will be 24 hours long, filmed in real-time and streamed exclusively on RedTube. Disney bravely plans to continue the franchise without Shia Labeouf, instead rebooting it as a spin-off concentrating on Mutt’s 76 year-old father. However industry insiders suggest that this might be “one giant fucking practical joke.”
There’s plenty more stupid claptrap on the site, for instance here’s our guide to the 10 unsung heartthrobs of the 90s.
