Welcome gentle viewer, to EvilSpeak.
While I enjoy a good exercise in intricate on-screen psychology and scares that come from the unseen demons of the Id as much as the next man, there’s still something to be said for a herd of pigs ripping someone in half in glorious technicolor.
I love horror films that just don’t give a fuck and EvilSpeak is a fine example. A put-upon military academy (what is it about the early 80s and military academies?) student finds a haunted cave/evil book, and as you do, hooks it up to his Apple II.
The computer obviously begins demanding blood, like a beeping 8-bit Little Shop of Horrors analogue (or should that be digital? HO HO, eh computer nerds?), and enraging some pigs that are being farmed on campus. For a reason. Look shut up, there’s definitely a reason, and it’s not just so they can bite Lynn Hancock’s dress off either. Well, possibly it is, but that shows remarkable foresight , even for a character who goes entirely by the name ‘Sarge’ throughout.
Ah yes, Lynn Hancock. The top IMDB comment about this film is, and I quote: “Wow, those were some mismatched hooters.” and frankly, that’s the nicest thing you can say about her character.
Lots of horror movies have a nasty misogynistic streak, but I honestly think that in the case of EvilSpeak, the film is just really, really stoopid. Women in this universe exist to be semi-naked and tied to bloody alters. Jocks and ‘The Man’ are there to be total buttholes all day long, and our ‘hero’ is a weird nerd who never quite manages to threaten you, even when he’s wreaking Satanic revenge on campus.
And on that note… In the past I’ve given Clint Howard a bit of a rough ride. but given that he’s long worked in the shadow of a brother who was one of the world’s most-beloved sitcom stars, before he became an Oscar winning director and Bryce Dallas Howard creator, it’s frankly a wonder he didn’t end up running amok with Satanic revenge rituals in real life.
Here he clearly realises that the whole thing is as daft as a brush, and plays protagonist Stanley Coopersmith with broad strokes that lend themselves to laughs, but also leave just enough room for a little teenage angst-projection from the viewer. For someone hell-bent on destroying the military and ushering in an age of darkness, he’s surprisingly sympathetic, and you’ll end up rooting for the ‘bad guy’ (partly because everyone else is a complete asshole), which is just as it should be.
EvilSpeak is very much of its time, from the setting to the bizarre computer-art effects (think demented, evil Tron, but done on a budget of $16.99), but it’s chock-full of over the top gore, shocks and silliness that end up lending a unique… well, ‘charm’ isn’t quite the right word, but it sticks in the memory (HO HO, eh compu…oh, never mind, I don’t know why I bother). Worth seeking out for gorehounds and pizza-and-a-movie nights alike.
For more spine-chilling horror movies to watch over Halloween, check out the equally wicked and baffling Embodiment of Evil.
